The Recovery of Spiritual Parenting in Wholistic Discipleship: Equipping lessons from Paul's Letters to Timothy
My heart hurts as I look around at the number of young pastors and churchleaders who are enthusiastically serving God with big dreams but who lack spiritual fathers (parents) in the generation before them. All around us we see Christians and churches relaxing their grasp of the gospel, fumbling it, in danger of letting it drop from their hands all together. A new generation of young Timothys is needed, who will guard the sacred deposit of the gospel, who are determined to proclaim it and are prepared to suffer for it; and who will pass it on pure and uncorrupted to the generation which in due course will rise up to follow them.[1]
Why Spiritual Parenting Is the Supreme Mode of Equipping
The epistles authored by the Apostle Paul — specifically 1st and 2nd Timothy — serve as foundational documents that elucidate Paul's equipping and preparatory endeavors concerning his protege, Timothy. Throughout both epistles Paul manifests a spiritual-parent commitment, underscored by purposeful actions aimed at molding Timothy's moral disposition, doctrinal comprehension, character formation, stewarding spiritual gifts, and behavioral patterns; thereby aptly preparing him for a purposeful and impactful ministerial engagement in God’s kingdom. Within these correspondences, a nuanced comprehension unfolds regarding Paul's deliberate efforts towards Timothy's training and guidance, providing valuable lessons for equipping disciplers of today’s generation. So I define wholistic equipping as an ongoing intentional relationship process of investing, nurturing, influencing, guiding, developing, and multiplying disciplers of Christ who continue to mature in the three areas of the head (knowing Christ), the heart (becoming like Christ), and the hands (living like Christin all aspects of life including their work-life). They do this through the truth of the Gospel and the power of the Holy Spirit in relationship with the body of believers.
I have found that the prevailing mode of Christian equipping today revolves predominantly around mentoring, teaching, pastoring, and coaching relationships, each contributing significantly to specific aspects of an individual's spiritual journey. These conventional roles, however, though beneficial, most often do not encompass the holistic nature of genuine and transformative equipping. While a mentor might address certain areas in a discipler’s life, a coach might be able to assist in others. However, still, it leaves room for unexplored facets within a discipler's life unchallenged, unaddressed, and unnoticed. For example, a coach might be very resourceful in helping individuals achieve specific goals, like maintaining a healthy work-life balance or managing anger. The coaching relationship is often performance-focused, concentrating on what the learner wants to learn.[2] In most cases, coachees set the tone and the discussion revolves around the subject of what they want. Most coaching relationships are non-directive and very rarely directive. In contrast. equipping relationships are often directive as they require faithfulness in following Jesus whereas coaching usually requires faithfulness to a process.
Understanding Spiritual Parenting
Parenting is always messy and inconvenient. As a result, many couples today opt out of parenting because of the inconvenience and stress, perceiving it as a disruption to life and the burden of raising children. As in the words of Ajith Fernando, “If people are opting out of literal parenthood, it would not be surprising to find Christians opting out of being spiritual parents of people with whom they have no biological or other essential tie.”[3] A newborn requires parental care. Similarly, God is called our Father (John 1:12), though God often utilizing individuals to channel the blessings of his fatherly role in our lives. Hence, it's not unexpected that the Bible frequently employs the metaphor of parenthood to depict the nurturing of believers.[4]
Spiritual parenting as understood by Michelle Anthony is “parenting from a spiritual perspective with eternity in mind.”[5] She recalls a defining moment in her life as a parent was the day she realized that “it was not my job to merely control my child’s behavior and by doing so somehow create a spiritual life for him or her.”[6] Instead, she states that her goal is to pass on a faith that is vibrant and transformative. Spiritually minded parents recognize the God-given role that is theirs and keep this significant question in mind —"what is my end goal in raising each of the children God has entrusted to me, and then how will I parent them with that end in mind?"[7] It is knowing God’s intent for each child, helping them grow and fulfill to what they have been called. As expressed by Paul, it is to labor until Christ is formed in them (Gal 4:19).
The language of spiritual parenting is quite evident in Scripture; however, it is noticeably absent in our contemporary approach to discipleship. The letter of 1 John repeatedly uses the language of teknia “my dear children” (2:1) and then “dear children” (1 John 2:12, 28; 3:7, 18; 4:4; 5:21). John seemed to perceive them as his own (spiritual) children rather than as just fellow believers. Similarly, Paul, when referring to his spiritual children, used a less common word teknon, whereas huios (son) is a more common one which Peter used when referring to Mark. Teknon can be used for “a person of any age for whom there is a special relationship of endearment and association.”[8] Paul’s affection for Timothy is evidently presented in 1 Timothy, where he refers to Timothy as “my beloved child” (agapētō teknō), after which he says, “recalling your tears, I long to see you, so that I may be filled with joy” (2 Tim 1:2, 4 NIV). Paul often referred to those he personally equipped as children. He addressed Timothy as a son on six occasions (1 Cor 4:17; Phil 2:22; 1 Tim 1:2, 18; 2 Tim 1:2; 2:1) — as he did with Titus (Titus 1:4) and Onesimus (Phile 1:10).
The question that should now be raised is this: if spiritual parenting was so prominent in the early church, why has it been neglected or even absent in equipping disciplers today? Phrases like “spiritual fathering” or “spiritual parenting,” can sometimes carry negative connotations and lead to misconceptions. Could fear of these misconceptions be their reason for avoidance? While there have been abuses Paul’s relationship with Timothy gives us a beautiful and healthy example of spiritual parenting at its best.
Lessons from Paul and Timothy’s Relationship
In the following paragraphs, I will highlight seven points on the relationship of Paul and Timothy.
1) A Father’s Heart Towards a Child
Paul’s relationship toward Timothy is that of a father who truly loves, cares, and desires his son to grow and mature in every aspect. We see this on many occasions in his letters addressing Timothy as “my true son in the faith” (1 Tim 1:2; 2 Tim 2:1). He is well aware of Timothy’s faith heritage which originated from Timothy’s grandmother, Lois, and his mother Eunice (2 Tim 1:5). His desire for Timothy and all believers is that they be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith (1 Tim 1:5). A deep love and genuine concern for Timothy’s growth in faith is evident throughout the various letters in Scripture.
Paul's recognition of Timothy as his beloved spiritual child serves as a timely reminder for contemporary equippers. In our well-intentioned efforts, there is a prevailing tendency to perceive those under our guidance solely as individuals in need of assistance. Instead of viewing them as spiritual children, we often categorize them as students seeking knowledge, church members requiring spiritual nourishment, or trainees necessitating skill-building. The most detrimental perspective is this: regarding them as a problem that requires fixing. Perhaps it is an opportune time for us to introspect and evaluate whether a paradigm shift in our approach is necessary. By recognizing and embracing the potential for spiritual parentage, we can cultivate a nurturing and impactful environment for those we are equipping much like Apostle Paul.
2) A Parent’s Knowledge of God’s Calling Upon the Lives of the People they are Equipping
I question whether most equippers truly understand the calling of those they are equipping. Paul, however, knows Timothy well and entrusts him with ministry of the churches, in line with the prophecies made about him (1 Tim 1:18). He recognizes the gift given to Timothy and urges him not to neglect the gift which was granted by prophecy when the council of elders laid hands on Timothy (1 Tim 4:14) as well as through Paul’s laying of hands on him (2 Tim 1: 6). Timothy was young and inexperienced, but Paul reminds him that God has called him through the prophetic word, equipped him through the heavenly gift, and commissioned him through the laying of hands. Thus people will not despise his youth or reject his teaching.
Timothy is not only being equipped in the words of faith and the good doctrine he has followed (1 Tim 4:6), but he is also encouraged to train himself in godliness (1 Tim 4: 7-8). The reason for this is that godliness holds value in every respect, promising benefits for the present life and for the life to come. Paul urges Timothy to actively use and immerse himself in his gifts and prophecies so that his growth and maturity will be evident to others. He encourages Timothy to persist in these practices, as it will contribute to his growth and benefit those he is ministering to (1 Tim 4:15-16). Timothy is admonished to pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart (2 Tim 2:22). He is instructed to keep his head in all situations, and do the work of an evangelist discharging all his duties (2 Tim 4:5). Paul seemed to have an excellent grasp of Timothy’s call to ministry, his gifts or anointing, and the areas where he needed help and encouragement.
Equippers must know the call of the ones they are equipping and be capable of teaching, correcting, encouraging, and guiding them towards fulfilling God’s call upon their lives. Equippers should be able to recognize and help in the development of gifts, skills, and anointing God has upon them. As aptly understood by John Stott,[9] disciplers must learn to discern, cultivate, and exercise their gifts and be helped by the equippers (i.e. spiritual parents). For people who are discipling others will be receptive to their ministry once they are assured that God has called them and they are not self-appointed.
3) The Path Is One of Openness, Not Perfection:
Examining the relationship between Paul and Timothy sheds light on an approach that does not shy away from truth. Paul, in sharing his past experiences as a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent, openly admitted his former ignorance and unbelief (1 Tim 1:13). He confessed to being the worst of sinners, emphasizing that Jesus came into the world to save individuals like him (1:16). Timothy was well acquainted with Paul's teachings, way of life, purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance, persecutions, and sufferings (2 Tim 3:10). Paul's life was not characterized by perfection, but by authenticity and transparency. This highlights the importance for equippers to exhibit honesty rather than projecting an image of perfection while aiming to help others nevertheless with good intentions.
There is a risk that equipping relationships can become one-sided, where one has all the questions and the other has all the answers. However, for an intentional and transformative relationship, truth and transparency are required from both. Wolfgang Simson puts it aptly, "Discipleship is not about performance or perfection, but about honesty, vulnerability, and grace."[10] Since equipping can sometimes be shallow and superficial, it is critical to creating a culture where disciplers, those being spiritually parented, or as we call them here—equippers—are allowed to make mistakes, be vulnerable and yet learn to be honest, accountable, and grow and mature. The focus is Christ, helping believers overcome individualism and consumerism that had plagued North American and European societies. Similarly, writing about the North American context, Greg Ogden commented that the state of equipping is quite shallow and “superficial” and without depth; there is no transformation.[11] It is essential that both the equipper and the one being equipped are honest and vulnerable and have the space to make mistakes and learn along the way. This ensures that it is not abstract and far removed from the daily experience.
4) Entrusting, Empowering, and Co-laboring:
Timothy progressed from being a son to a student and then to being a colleague and a co-laborer (1 Tim 16:21). The process of entrusting and empowering Timothy with significant responsibilities was gradual. Paul spent years preparing Timothy and assisted him in many of his missionary journeys. Later, we see how Timothy was empowered and entrusted with responsibilities that extended well beyond his experience and training. Rick Warren[12] aptly commented that we spend plenty of time desiring and praying for more laborers, but perhaps not enough time investing in those with the potential to become our partners in the mission, i.e. spiritual children. I vividly recall my professor who took me under his wing and cared for me like a son. I served as an assistant, helping him run a program at the organization in which I currently work. Initially, I was assigned a few tasks and given the opportunity to observe his way of working and learn from him and other key leaders. After a couple of years, I was invited to co-teach and lead alongside him. The following year, I was asked to take on the role of program director.
Equippers have the ability to either empower or disempower. The rise of Timothy is not sudden but gradual. He had previously been entrusted with assignments to churches to Thessalonica (1 Thes 3:1-10); Corinth (1 Cor 4:16-17; 16: 10-11); and Philippi (Phil 2:19-24). This time, Timothy was stationed in Ephesus and empowered to stop some false teachers who were in the process of undoing Paul’s teaching. Paul saw the church as a viable Christian alternative for that city.[13] Not only did Paul entrust Timothy but expected him to empower and entrust reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others (2 Tim 2:2).
5) Living an Exemplary life:
In our present day, there are very few equippers who have the boldness of Paul to say, “You should imitate me, just as I imitate Christ” (1 Cor 11: 1 NLT). The need for such exemplary equippers is great in our time, as people are seeking living examples to follow. Paul testified that he had poured himself out like a drink offering for the sake of the Gospel, having fought a good fight, finished the race, and kept the faith (2 Tim 4:6-8). Just as Paul sets an example, he expects Timothy to set an example for others. None should despise Timothy because he is young, but he is to set an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and purity (1 Tim 4:12). Paul exhorts Timothy to watch his life and doctrine closely and to persevere in them, as it will not only save him but also benefit the ones he is ministering to (1 Tim 4:15-16).
Paul did not ask Timothy to practice what he himself had never practiced. Instead, he led by example and encouraged Timothy to do the same. Timothy is encouraged not to be ashamed of him and the Gospel; rather he invites Timothy to join him in the suffering for the Gospel for which he was appointed a herald, an apostle, and teacher (2 Tim 1:8;11-12; 2:3). According to G. George Patterson and Richard Scoggins, disciplers, people who are beginning to disciple others, cannot become effective equippers if equipping is confined to formal education, devoid of training and on the job experience. Many graduates from Bible colleges and universities fail to build Paul-Timothy relationships, and end up repeating “only classroom experience.”[14] The need for exemplary equippers is not only necessary but urgent.
6) Going Beyond the Spiritual:
Today, most equipping in the church does not go beyond the spiritual. Many equippers including mentors, pastors, teachers, and small group leaders, express sincere spiritual concern for their congregants. However, their focus remains confined to spiritual matters without encompassing the broader dimensions of life such as social, financial, physical, and relational aspects. In contrast, Paul's approach to equipping Timothy demonstrates a broader perspective, where the scope of equipping extends well beyond the spiritual realm.
First, Paul's teachings to Timothy address practical life issues, emphasizing the importance of relational dynamics within the community. In 1 Timothy 5:1-2, Timothy is instructed on how to engage with different segments of society—treating older men with respect, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women with absolute purity. The guidance extends to special considerations for widows, highlighting the wholistic nature of equipping.
Second, in 1 Timothy 6:6-8, Paul provides Timothy with financial wisdom as part of his equipping. He instructs Timothy concerning the value of godliness with contentment, cautioning against the love of money which he describes as the root of all kinds of evil. The detrimental consequences of pursuing wealth at the expense of faith are highlighted, illustrating the comprehensive nature of equipping.
Third, the personal conduct of Timothy is addressed. Timothy is instructed to avoid godless chatter which further leads to more ungodliness (2 Tim 2:16) and to avoid foolish and stupid arguments because they only produce quarrels (2:23).
Fourth, equipping, as demonstrated between Paul and Timothy, extends to moral and physical well-being. In 2 Timothy 2:22, Timothy is advised to flee from youthful desires, demonstrating a concern for his moral and character development. Additionally, in 1 Timothy 5:23, Paul goes on to recommend a practical solution for Timothy's ailments, urging him to use a little wine for health reasons.
The profound depth of the relationship between Paul and Timothy reveals a level of equipping that surpasses mere spiritual guidance, pointing to a significant gap in contemporary equipping which as we have seen often more resembles mentoring and coaching. The concept of "spiritual parenting" aptly captures the comprehensive and holistic nature of equipping that goes beyond the spiritual, addressing the various other needs of individuals under pastoral care. Introducing this concept could bridge the existing gap and enrich the equipping process of leaders and mentors today.
7) Commitment to Prayer and the Word:
Paul's equipping of Timothy, his spiritual son, in the faith is intricately woven with persistent prayer and a deep commitment to the Word. Paul's consistent prayers for Timothy form the foundation of their spiritual relationship (2 Tim 1:3). The depth of Paul's intercession for those he equipped was evident in his prayers, as seen in 2 Thessalonians. In these prayers (2 Thes 1:11-12), Paul expresses his desire for the conduct and achievements of those under his guidance to be worthy of God's call, filled with goodness, faith, and power, thereby magnifying the Lord and demonstrating his grace.[15]
The exhortation in 2 Timothy 2:15 highlights Paul's emphasis on skillfully handling the Word. Timothy is encouraged to present himself as a diligent worker, unashamed, and adept in correctly interpreting the word of truth. This call to mastery in the Word is not a one-time directive but a continuous journey, as evidenced by Paul's repeated encouragement for Timothy to persevere in the Word (2 Tim 3:15-17). Paul's guidance extends beyond personal study to the practical application of preaching the Word. In 2 Timothy 4:2, Timothy is charged to proclaim the Word persistently, regardless of the season, with the ability to correct, rebuke, and encourage, all delivered with great patience and careful instruction. Moreover, in 1 Timothy 4:13–14, Timothy is urged not to neglect his teaching gift, emphasizing the ministry of the Word.
Paul's holistic approach to equipping, which integrates prayerful intercession and a rigorous commitment to the Word, represents a comprehensive strategy for spiritual development. This approach goes beyond intellectual understanding, aiming to transform character and conduct. For contemporary equippers seeking to guide and equip others, Paul's model presents a timeless blueprint for nurturing individuals who are not only well-versed in the Word but also living testimonies of God's grace and transformative power.
Conclusion
We have examined how Paul's equipping of Timothy extends far beyond addressing isolated aspects of life; instead, it encompasses a holistic equipping approach that encourages Timothy to exhibit excellence in speech, conduct, faith, and purity. In this equipping relationship, Paul assumes the role of a genuine father figure, displaying sincere love and concern for the overall maturity of Timothy. The guidance provided by Paul transcends specific aspects of life. This all-encompassing approach to equipping, where every aspect of Timothy's life is considered, stands in sharp contrast to the often-fragmented approach observed in contemporary equipping practices.
In evaluating Timothy's ministerial capabilities, Paul's confidence is not just based on Timothy's obedience to his directives but rather on Timothy's ability to depend on his own faith and calling, as evident in various passages across 1 and 2 Timothy (1 Tim 1:4, 19; 6:11-15; 2 Tim 1:6-7; 13-14). Yet, for Timothy to achieve such training and maturing and to be able to fulfill God’s calling upon his life, the role of a spiritual father (equipper) like Paul cannot be overlooked; the baton needs to be passed on. Paul instructs Timothy to entrust what he has learned from him, through many witnesses, to faithful individuals capable of teaching others. This directive emphasizes the transmission of the apostolic deposit, signifying the Church's responsibility to remain faithful to the apostolic witness. In this context, Timothy emerges as a clear inheritor of Paul's mantle, sharing in the legacy alongside numerous others engaged in ministry under Paul's guidance.
For each generation, the responsibility lies in the hands of the equippers who will “guard the sacred deposit of the gospel, who are determined to proclaim it and are prepared to suffer for it, and who will pass it on pure and uncorrupted to the generation which in due course will rise up to follow them.”[16] To fulfill this critical role, contemporary equippers must emulate Paul’s approach to Timothy without compromise. As Ogden rightfully observed, “the defining, though not exclusive, metaphor that shapes Paul’s understanding of the goal and the process of disciple-making (equipping- emphasis added) is spiritual parenting.[17]
References:
[1] John R.W. Stott, Guard the Gospel: The Message of 2 Timothy (Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press, 1973), 22.
[2] Vijetha Mukkelli, “The Biblical Perspective of Coaching and Mentoring,” International Journal of Core Engineering and Management (IJCEM), Vol 1, #7 (October 2014, p. 136).
[3] Ajith Fernando, Discipling in a Multicultural World (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2019), 26.
[4] Fernando. Discipling, 26.
[5] Michelle Anthony, Spiritual Parenting: An Awakening for Today’s Families (Colorado Springs, CO: David C. Cook, 2010), 12.
[6] Anthony, Spiritual Parenting, 15.
[7] Anthony Spiritual Parenting, 25.
[8] P.J. Louw & A.E. Nida, Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament; Based on Semantic Domains, 2nd ed., vol 1 (Swindon, UK: United Bible Societies, 1996), 109.
[9] John R. W. Stott, The Message of 1 Timothy and Titus (Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press, 1996), 123,
[10] Wolfgang Simson, Houses That Change the World: The Return of the House Churches (Milton Keynes, UK: Authentic Media, 2005), 48.
[11] Greg Ogden, Transforming Discipleship: Making Disciples a Few at a Time (Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press, 2016), 22.
[12] Rick Warren, “3 Phases of a Paul and Timothy relationship” (2014) https://pastors.com/paul-timothy/
[13] Gordon Fee, 1 and 2 Timothy, Titus: The New International Biblical Commentary (Peabody, Mass: Hendrickson, 1995), 2.
[14] George Patterson and Richard Scoggins, Church Multiplication Guide: The Miracle of Church Reproduction (Pasadena, CA: William Carey Library, 2002), 194.
[15] Gauis Goff, “Mentoring: Paul: Apostle and Mentor,” https://truthandtidings.com/2021/04/mentoring-paul-apostle-and-mentor/, para 13.
[16] Stott, Guard the Gospel, 22.
[17] Ogden, Transforming Discipleship, 95.
